Dating and Dealing with Rejection

The top three home run hitters of all-time are Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth. Bonds hit 762 home runs, Aaron hit 755, and Ruth hit 714.

Interestingly, each one also struck out twice as many times as they scored. Bonds struck out 1,539 times, Aaron struck out 1,383 times, and Ruth struck out 1,330 times.

My point, of course, is that they failed twice as many times as they succeeded. And yet today they remain at the pinnacle of baseball success.

Not one of these guys said to themselves after their first strikeout, "Ah, striking out hurts too much. I'm not going to swing anymore." They didn't say it after their hundredth strikeout or their thousandth. They kept getting up to the plate and swinging.

The same is true with dating. The more rejection you can handle, the more women you will date. It's the simple law of averages: the more women you approach, the more rejection you face, the more the odds for success turn in your favor.

Let's face it, you run the risk of rejection in virtually every social situation. There is always the possibility that someone somewhere may not like you.
You have three options. You can refuse to ever meet anybody new. You can timidly engage in social interactions occasionally, allowing yourself to be crushed if someone rejects you and crawling off to lick your wounds. Or you can step boldly out into the world, meeting and greeting, welcoming the potential for rejection and moving forward because you know that rejection is only a state of mind.

Maybe you're thinking, it's different getting rejected by a woman. If you were introduced to some guy at a party and he didn't seem particularly interested in getting to know you, it probably wouldn't bother you much at all. But if you were introduced to a striking and available woman at that same party and she showed no interest in getting to know you, chances are you'd be hurt.

Why the difference?

The difference is that you've allowed the woman's opinion of you to become more important than your opinion of yourself. And by doing so you've just handed her, some random woman you don't even know, the power to make you happy or sad, to validate or invalidate your masculinity, to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down to your worth as a human being.

Does it make any sense to give a complete stranger that much power over your emotional well-being?

Getting rejected by a woman, or anyone else for that matter, is almost never personal. Seriously. There could be a hundred and one reasons a woman rejects you, none of which have anything to do with you. She could be having a bad day, she could be distracted by personal problems, she could have a boyfriend or husband at home, or maybe you're simply not her type.

Rather than taking it personally, take a cue from the jerks of the world: if a woman rejects you, it's her problem, not yours. Don't ever allow yourself to feel diminished in any way. Are you any less of man because some woman somewhere wasn't in the mood to talk with you? Of course not.

Rejection can feel like a blow to your ego, but only if you allow it to. Once you understand that it really has nothing to do with you or your self-worth, it's much easier to move forward.

If you find it really bothers you, take a few moments and review the situation cooly and objectively. Did you do or say anything objectionable? Did you come across as insecure or wimpy? Did you approach her at the wrong moment?

If you realize you made a mistake or something in your approach needs improvement, make a mental note to work on it. If you can't identify anything you did wrong, then you probably didn't do anything wrong. So tell yourself, Next! and move on.

Realize this, not every woman is going to be attracted to you and you are going to face rejection. It's not a question of if but when. Don't let the fear stop you.

Remember, the more rejection you can handle, the more women you will date. The only guys who don't get rejected are the ones who never try, the ones sitting home alone wishing they had your guts and determination.

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