How to Avoid Playing the Blame Game and be Happy Now!

Have you ever won the "Blame Game"? Does it make you feel any better? Do you end up getting what you want, or more of what makes you happy? Continue on and find three steps that will help you reduce stress and increase your happiness--right now.

Until you can identify what is making you tense and angry, true happiness will remain out of your grasp. Pay close attention to what you say to your self. Often you will find that every frustrating thought is related to things you "don't want" and is the result of the who's "right" and who's "wrong" game.

We believe thinking like this: "They lie to me;" "They interrupt when I talk;" or "They wouldn't act like that if they really cared." is paying attention solely to the fact that the other people are simply WRONG:

Observe how these thoughts focus on, what the person doesn't want to have happen. Not being lied to, not being cared about, and not being interrupted. Whenever you focus on what you don't want, it becomes very easy to be entrap by the "Rightl/Wrong Game".

Why do people start with this "Right or Wrong Game" anyways? At a young age people learn to figure out the difference between naughty and nice, what's good and bad, and who's right or wrong. Adults played the game too and helped us learn, so that we could be able to understand what is and isn't appropriate behavior.

The problem with this is that, while we learn to be very good at identifying who's right and who's wrong and saying what we don't want, we don't learn the skills to identify what we do want--the things that are really important to us.

What's worse, partaking in this game can drain you--a cause of stress that diminishes your sleep, attitude, and finally, your happiness. The "You're wrong, I'm Right" game creates cycles of pain, confusion, and discomfort. If you find that you feel uncomfortable when pondering the same issue more than three times, it is likely that the cycle has begun.

Try to understand. Anger and being upset cause stress which impact your emotional well-being. A stressed mood can cause issues with how you go about your day-to-day activities, which in turn can add more anger and frustration. If you are a player in the "Right/Wrong Game" and continue thinking about the things that upset you, these negative thoughts will continue to compound your feelings of anger and frustration. If you continue to play this game and don't learn to do not break this cycle now, you may be headed for a downward spiral.

Fortunately, there is a fairly simple choice you can make about whether or not you want to continue playing this game. That choice can be summed up by this popular quote from The Course in Miracles that asks, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

How to Free Yourself

Breaking the cycle requires quickly figuring out what you want, rather than fixating on the opposite. You can't stop stubbornly focus on being right when you have the ability to identify what you want instead. Your ticket out of your pattern, and the path to being truly happy, lies in being strategic about attaining your desired results.

It takes more than just wanting to stop playing the "Right/Wrong Game" and hoping your upset will go away. It's important to develop the skills and strategies that will make it easy to identify the cycle and stop it before it sucks you in. Just like a bad habit, "right-wrong" thinking that focuses on what you don't want, is a pattern that can be broken with a little practice.

For a new and more rewarding game, give our three-step plan a try.

Step One: Self-Guidance Using Your Feelings to Direct You

We've already been in discussions about the "Right/Wrong Game", and how it can wreak havoc in your relationships and in your life. The discussion continued by talking about how this game creates more anxiety and irritation in your life. The good news is, these uncomfortable emotions can be used for your benefit--as alarm bells that help you recognize values that you hold dear, are absent in the situation. Such feelings are telling you that it is time to change directions.

Step Two: Discover the "Do Want"

It's key to know what you "do want" in a given situation. This makes sure you have something to navigate toward, rather than getting stuck on thoughts about what you don't want. If you catch yourself fixating on what you dread, flip the thought and figure out what you want to steer toward instead. For example, in a situation where you catch yourself worrying that people will betray you, flip it, and ask yourself "what do I want?" you might answer: "I want to be able to trust this person." And trust, is the thing you want most in the situation.

Or, if you're feeling angry and frustrated and you hear yourself thinking, "If they really cared about me they wouldn't act like that!" then caring, belonging, and consideration are most likely the root of what is important to you. So your "do want" in this case is to experience people acting in ways that show they care about what's important to you when they make decisions that affect you.

You need to be able to identify what's most important to you before you can figure out how to get it.

Step Three: Get In Action!

Once you've identified what's important to you in the situation and what you do want, its time to make a plan. Focus on specific things that you can do or say in the situation that will create more of what you want. Avoid the trap of focusing on what you don't want. If you want trust, do something that will create trust. If you want caring, do something that will create caring.

Instead of wasting any more time just hanging around being irritated and annoyed, get in action. Every small step you take towards your new goal will soften any hurt feelings. You'll find that once you start moving and focusing on your new plan, you won't be as upset as you were. Once you're in action getting the things you really want, you will begin to release yourself from the "Right/Wrong Game". Therefore, start moving in the "do want" direction and you'll start seeing immediate positive results.

About the Author/Author Bio

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