Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

Do you enjoy being rejected by others?

Probably not. Rejection is not fun for any one to experience.

But some of us get over our fear of being rejected fairly easily, while for others, those of us who are very shy, or who suffer from low self esteem, the very thought that we might get rejected by someone else is enough to keep us at home, lonely, and afraid of making any social overtures to anybody.

If you absolutely hate the thought of rejection by other people, here is a foolproof method that will guarantee that you will never be rejected again.

Are you curious? Here it is: The way you can be totally rejection-proof is if you give up absolutely all interactions with other human beings for the rest of your life!

Is that something you are really willing to do? There are occasionally extreme cases of people who adopt this option. For the great majority of us however, giving up all social connection is too high a price to pay to avoid the occasional pain that sometimes accompanies human interactions.

When we give up interacting with others, not only do we give up some occasional pain and discomfort, but we also miss out on all the potential warmth, comfort, fun and excitement that other human beings can offer us. Remember, if you never put yourself in a situation where someone can say "no" to you, you will also never be in a situation where someone can say "yes" to you.

Let's assume that the option of never again interacting with other human beings is not something you want. If you have decided to continue interacting with other human beings and try to make some of them your friends, you must be prepared to accept this fact: occasionally some people will reject you.

As terrifying as this may seem, you can take steps to reduce the likelihood that rejection will occur, and you can actually learn to make rejection a less painful experience for you.

Here is a brief summary of steps you can take to overcome your fear of rejection:

- Remind yourself why you want to overcome your fear of rejection. Remind yourself that your goal is to have a happy social life.

- Change what you say to yourself about rejection. Don't tie your self worth to whether or not you get accepted or rejected by other people.

- Take a series of baby steps when developing new relationships.

- Look for signs of receptiveness in the other person.

- Deliberately set out to collect as many rejections as you can

- When you are out making approaches to other people, tell yourself that it's just practice, it doesn't count.

- Make many, many social approaches to other people.

One way that you can lessen the likelihood and frequency of rejection is to allow your relationships to develop slowly. Take baby steps. When relationships develop slowly, you must still make efforts to approach the other person, but your efforts will be low key and casual, rather than intense.

During each interaction with the person you wish to befriend, notice that person's body language and facial expressions. Are you getting encouraging smiles and nods? Is that person's body posture open or closed? Do you sense an eagerness to continue the conversation?

If the other person shows signs of enjoying your company and seems eager to continue your conversations, then he or she will probably be receptive to any overtures you make and any invitations you extend.

Some people are so terrified by the prospect of rejection that they never make a social approach to another person. This is unfortunate, since avoidance will reinforce their fears, and increase their loneliness.

Although it may sound terrifying, one of the best ways to overcome a fear of rejection is to deliberately put yourself into situations where you get rejected a lot. This strategy is actually used by some therapists who specialize in the treatment of shyness.

One way to overcome the fear of making social overtures is to simply persist in making many, many approaches to other people.

If you persist in developing the habit of making many social overtures to other people, you will come to realize that occasional rejection is simply a part of life. It does not mean you are a flawed human being.

Even though we can't control whether or not other people reject us, we can control how we react to rejection.

We don't need to condemn ourselves when we are rejected, and we don't need to stop interacting with other people just because there is a chance they might reject us.

When we give up interacting with others, not only do we give up some occasional pain and discomfort, but we also miss out on all the potential warmth, comfort, fun and excitement that other human beings can offer us.

Remember, if you never put yourself in a situation where someone can say "no" to you, you will also never be in a situation where someone can say "yes" to you.

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