Personal Development And Confidence

Self confidence, for many of us, is a nebulous feeling. It is hard to quantify exactly what it is. It seems hard to acquire but easy to dismantle. You can't really see it or touch it but you know when someone has it and (usually) when they don't. However, it is a state that is needed as a foundation for building anything. So what is self confidence anyway?

Self confidence begins with trust. It is trusting in your own abilities, strengths and attributes. It is the ability to take action and succeed. It is also the ability to take action and fail without allowing the failure to reflect badly on your own internal self of identity.

The true essence of self confidence lies in faith and belief. The belief in your own abilities. It is having a sense of self worth and feeling no less than anyone else. Self confidence means that no matter what happens you know that can deal with it. It is really having a sense of Self. Knowing that you are OK just as you are, and knowing that your imperfections are part of what makes up "you".

So what leads to a lack of confidence?

Well, each of us have a self-protection mechanism built into us, and although this is much needed, it can cause untold damage in other areas of our lives. There is a self protection program that is hot-wired into the brain and energy system of every living thing. Its role is to protect us. It protects us from dangerous situations by accessing memories and reminding us of the previous discomfort!

Let me explain with an example. If you touch a hot coal you get burned and you know not to touch it again - your self-protection mechanism kicks in. If you encounter a red-hot coal in the future you keep your hands and body far enough away so you don't feel the burning sensation and the pain associated with it. Your subconscious mind programs into your brain the fear of getting too close to hot coals. This memory, or just the fear and pain connected to it, is immediately evoked and sent to the conscious mind by the subconscious when it feels you are in danger of getting burnt. This mechanism, for self-preservation, has protected you from an infant. However, as we will see, it can work against in a myriad of ways.

Let's look at one. For example at some previous point in your life you may have tried your hand at something that was completely new and alien to you. You tried and you failed! Perhaps your peers, family, parents friends or even complete strangers ridculed you and laughed at yur efforts. This may have embarrassed you and made you feel inadequate. Your subconscious mind automatically stored this scenario and the emotion associated with it in your memory through, what are called, schemas. These are neural networks in the brain that fire in sequence and send electrical impulses to the body telling it to release certain chemicals (which produce emotional responses). A neural connection is made between the memory of the event and the emotion you felt at the time. The problems arise when you are faced with a similar situation in the future. The subconscious mind immediately activates the schema and the neural network begins to fire. Thus the subconscious mind replays the memory and the original emotions are evoked in order to protect you! This is done purely so that you do not feel belittled again.

For example, you may have tried to paint a picture. Your friends around you laughed and ridiculed your efforts. This caused you embarrassment and the feeling of being ostracized like the "odd man out". You lacked the approval of your peers. Like a computer your subconscious filed this information away on your memory banks to be accessed at a later date when it thinks you need it. 20 years later you still have a desire to paint but won't even go to a night class to learn because the thought of painting brings forth the emotions of disapproval, embarrassment and fear. The subconscious mind replays the emotions associated with the old memory even if you can't recall the actual event ever having happened. Your subconscious mind is, in effect, saying "don't paint or you'll feel like this again!".

Usually such emotional memories stem back to childhood from the time when you were most impressionable but not always. You can just as easily encounter such problems when you are an adult and the key to protecting yourself from such negative influences is to develop a better sense of yourself and build your confidence. This is at the very core of all personal development and self improvement techniques!

In reality you have no idea what the outcome will be when you start something new . As an adult, you should be able to try new things without the fear of what ridicule, or condemnation from others, would do to your confidence.

Self confidence is having the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway. In reality you have no idea what the outcome will be when you perform a task that is new to you. By developing your confidence however you are much more likely to expect a positive outcome. Should you not have the outcome you desire you are then capable of looking at the situation realistically, determining what you need to learn and develop in order to succeed at it or at least be able to accept the fact that your are not suited to the activity without "freaking out" about it.

Many people believe that you are either born with confidence or you are not. The truth is we are all born confident! You cried when you wanted something and believed you were so important that you would get it. You tried to walk several times while falling knowing that eventually you would get it. This is confidence. Unfortunately this kind of confidence is usually programmed out of us but it is your NATURAL sate. It's time to get it back.

Firstly, you should be kind to yourself. Don't expect perfection. Do you think Tiger Woods got a hole in one the first time he played golf? Although he may have been born with an innate ability at this sport chances are that the first time he played he was terrible at it!

The thing that builds your confidence is trying things that you haven't done before. Try to do something that scares you. People with confidence are willing to try new things not because they know they will succeed, but because they don't give into their fear. If there was no fear or uncertainty then there would only be knowing! Self confidence is not about being certain of an outcome it is about being uncertain but believing in yourself enough to have a go anyway.

The good news is that there are strategies and approaches you can learn to build your confidence level to a new all-time high. Once you learn these and begin to apply them you will feel better able to try new things and enter new situations. Then as you begin to succeed and realise that the world didn't stop spinning because you faced your fear, you will gain more and more confidence.

I would seriously advise you to seek out some tools to help accelerate your confidence building. Hypnosis and emotional releasing techniques can be invaluable. The personal development industry has a myriad of products and you should pick one that resonates with you. However, you have all the power within that you need to change yourself from the inside out. Make the decision now to face one fear a week and do it. Your confidence will grow stronger than you could ever have imagined.

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