Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of Anon

Part 7 of an occasional series

I am a collector of quotations. I have been ever since I learned how to write, I mean professionally, not in primary school.

I am particularly fond of what I like to call "pithy prose". These short quotations can cover an unlimited variety of subjects: love, religion, politics, human nature, etc. What unites them is their ability to say more in one or two sentences than could be expressed in a thousand-word treatise. It's like being able to pour a liter of liquid into a half-liter bottle.

They are superb examples of Mark Twain's famous dictum, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

In principle, all writers and public speakers are capable of producing pithy prose, but clearly some are better at it than others.

Any collection of pithy prose must necessarily be biased in terms of what it includes and excludes. I make no apologies for my selections, only for the hundreds of other meritorious quotations I had to leave out.

No one will agree with all these quotations; this was not their intention. You may even find some of them repugnant or outrageous. This was their intention.

We seldom learn anything of value from what we already agree with. Only those ideas that grate on our nerves can open our minds. As with oysters, irritation can produce pearls. So if anything you are about to read annoys or shocks you, try to think clearly and dispassionately about what it is saying. You will either be confirmed in your current belief or shaken into re-examining it.

Either way, you win!

This article is part of an occasional series. In each article, I will be offering more amusing, educating, and exasperating quotations to your judgment. But just to be certain that we agree on what we are talking about, here it is in a nutshell.

Pithy Prose: A quotation where at first you may not be quite certain what it means. But when you become certain, you become equally certain that it couldn't have been said better any other way. In short, big ideas in small packages.

If you have a better definition of pithy prose, please contact me. I would love to hear it.

Who Are These People Named "Anon"?

Some people, such as Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain, are pithy prose factories. During their careers they produced hundreds of quotations well worth remembering. Others produced only a handful, but these too are well worth preserving.

Another major treasure trove of pithy prose is "Anonymous". The origin of these witty, insightful quotations is either doubtful or unknown, yet they keep on working their magic year after year, decade after decade, and even century after century. They are eternal proof that if you don't know who said something of value, it doesn't really matter. The source of a bit of timeless wit and wisdom is not important, only what it conveys.

A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.

Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.

An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Anyone can count the seeds in an apple. No one can count the apples in a seed.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

As a general rule, the freedom of any people can be judged by the volume of their laughter.

Bumper sticker: Please don't ride my tail; I have hemorrhoids

Certainty is the vilest form of cowardice because it disguises our fear of learning.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Choosing between two absurdities shows not strength of character but weakness of mind.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Consciousness is when you are aware of something. Conscience is when you wish you weren't.

Conspiracy theories are the best kind. Any credible criticism of it is simply made part of the conspiracy, which never ceases to grow.

Do not follow where the path may lead .... go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Don't have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

Doubt makes me uncomfortable; certainty makes me even more so.

Every revolutionary idea - in science, politics, art, or whatever - evokes three stages of reaction in a hearer:
1. It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.
2. It is possible, but it is not worth doing.
3. I said it was a good idea all along.

Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.

The goal of science is to build a better mousetrap. The goal of nature is to build better mice.

God cannot be omniscient; otherwise He would never have produced a creature as imperfect as Man.

Good judgment comes from experience. And experience -- well, that comes from poor judgment.

The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

I have no doubt that I am right, but I have no right not to doubt.

I know what I know; stop trying to confuse me with the facts.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

If the universe was made for Man, why is it so big and everything so far away?

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If you value your friends, don't listen too carefully to what they say. Nothing infuriates people more than being undone by their own logic.

Intelligence is inversely proportional to the ability to admit ignorance.

Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?

It's hard to make a program foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

It takes a strong will to live with doubt.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet.

Lord save me from your followers.

The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a "No Exit" sign.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Minds are like parachutes -- they function only when open.

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

The only thing certain in life is death, taxes, and doubt. We accept death and taxes, but doubt is forever under attack.

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Science doesn't make God obsolete, but it does make religion ridiculous.

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

Success in marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person.

The man who knows little and is aware of it knows more than most.

The most intelligent people are those who can most easily say "I don't know."

The strongest evidence that God doesn't exist is the fact that Man does.

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.

Today is the tomorrow that yesterday seemed so far away

To believe in God and to practice a religion are not the same; they are contradictory.

To confess ignorance is to confess knowledge.

To influence people, first join them where they are, then lead them to where you think they ought to be

When all else fails, read the instructions.

While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their correctness never does.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

We cannot always know what we don't know, but we can always know that we don't know nearly enough.

Why is monotheism considered an advance over polytheism? Surely the democracy of many gods is preferable to the autocracy of a single god, so if one disappoints you can always turn to another.

Yesterday's heresy is today's orthodoxy and tomorrow's relic. The more relics we amass, the closer we are to truth.

Previously in this Series

Part 1: Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain

Part 2: Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of Oscar Wilde

Part 3: Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of People Named "W"

Part 4: Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of Anatole France

Part 5: Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of Ambrose Bierce

Part 6: Pithy Prose: The Wit and Wisdom of Friedrich Nietzsche

About the Author/Author Bio

Philip Yaffe is a former reporter/feature writer with The Wall Street Journal and a marketing communication consultant. He currently teaches a course in good writing and good speaking in Brussels, Belgium. His recently published book In the “I” of the Storm: the Simple Secrets of Writing and Speaking (Almost) like a Professional is available from Story Publishers in Ghent, Belgium (storypublishers.be) and Amazon (amazon.com).

For further information, contact:

Philip Yaffe
Brussels, Belgium
Tel: +32 (0)2 660 0405
phil.yaffe@yahoo.com, phil.yaffe@gmail.com

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