Saving a relationship after a separation can be difficult - difficult to get it back to how it was when things were going well. The real point of a separation is to see if you can live without each other and to have some time away from your relationship problems to try to gain some insight into what has gone wrong. Unfortunately, most people tend to look at separation as the first step in a pending divorce.
Divorce doesn't have to be the result of every separation, many relationship can actually become stronger, more fulfilling and healthier than they ever were before the separation. They key to achieving this happiness, to saving a relationship and to rebuilding a good, solid foundation after a separation is to fix the mistakes and problems that lead to the separation in the first place - and make sure they stay fixed.
A lot of people make an effort to solve the problems to get their significant others back but fail to do the necessary upkeep after the problem is solved. This is very much like going on a diet and then expecting to keep the weight off by going back to exactly what you did before. There's a reason why so many people gain the weight back, and it's the same reason there are so many divorces after a separation; relationships need care and maintenance. You can solve a problem. You can say “voilla!! I know what I'm doing wrong!” but there will be no saving a relationship if your not consistent – if you don't take the time and effort to “stick to your maintenance plan.”
The very first thing you need to do to come back from a separation is to find out what the real reasons for the separation were. There will always be a superficial reason, some event driving the decision, but this is rarely the real reason, this is usually just a symptom of the actual problem.
If you don't find out what the true reason for the separation, relationships will almost always fail. (There is no saving a relationship in which there is fight after fight – always about the same thing.) This means you have to use the time away from the relationship to look at the problem with as much distance as you can. Your emotions will tend to mislead you at first as all you can see is the last argument, or last blow-out that caused one of you to leave. You need to look beyond that fight and find the real reason for the fight.
Once you've found out what the problem is, you can begin to do the work needed to fix it. This is a process that involves your partner; there are two people in a relationship and it takes both of you, working together, to fix the problems that led to the separation and save your relationship. It need to be a partnership, and this is a good place to start. Work together on finding a solution to the problem. Compromise, if necessary, but the solution must be something that is agreeable to both of you. If it isn't, eventually resentment will begin to take over and your troubles will start all over again.
The good news is that fixing the problem and saving a relationship is actually the easier part. Finding the problems tends to be harder, and that's the part most couples will get hung up on. The actual fix is usually just a matter of working with your partner to find the solutions and compromises that will allow you to work around the problem.
Rebuild your relationship from the ground up - save your relationship by making sure to address the problems that led to the separation. Take the time spent apart and come up with a plan to save your relationship, including identifying the problems and issues that caused it. Then fix those problems using common sense, compromise and change.
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