Self-Help: Healing Your Broken Heart

Haley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up.

Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making plans to get married. They had been having a hard time, with lots of fights, but Haley thought that things were still okay between them.

Haley had been through many such break-ups and had been equally broken-hearted each time. She was terrified of having to go through the same agony she had previously experienced when her relationships had ended.

As we explored what had happened in the relationship, it was evident that Haley had repeated a pattern that had started in her childhood and had continued through all her relationships. As a child, Haley was constantly trying to get her father's attention and approval. Only his attention and approval made her feel lovable and worthy. As an adult, she continued making her boyfriends responsible for her sense of worth. Once she handed to a boyfriend the responsibility for defining her worth and lovability, she then had to try to have control over his treating her the way she wanted to be treated so that she felt loved and worthy.

Her controlling behavior took many forms: anger, blame, tears, lectures, withdrawal, complaints, and so on. When Haley was getting what she wanted, she was warm and loving and alive. But as soon as Owen didn't attend to her in the way she wanted, she would get upset and blame him for her feelings.

Owen, like so many of her boyfriends, was a caretaker who tried to take responsibility for Haley's feelings. Yet after awhile, because it never really worked for long, he became tired and overwhelmed by the responsibility of her feelings and ended the relationship.

Haley believed that she was broken-hearted because of Owen abandoning her by ending the relationship, but there was another, deeper reason for her heartbreak. The true reason for Haley's pain was her own self-abandonment.

Haley had been abandoning herself for most of her life by refusing to take responsibility for her own feelings. Instead of learning about how she was treating herself when she felt alone, anxious, or depressed, she always looked for someone or something outside of herself to make her feel better.

Haley was abandoning herself in numerous ways. The major way was that she was highly judgmental toward herself, constantly telling herself that she was not good enough. Then, rather than taking responsibility for the fact that she was making herself feel awful with her self-judgments, she would look to another person - in this case Owen - to make her feel better. When he didn't say or do what she wanted him to, she would get angry at him, blaming him for her feelings. Not only was she abandoning herself with her self-judgments and her refusal to take responsibility for how she was treating herself, she then further abandoned herself by making Owen responsible for her.

Haley was devoted to believing that Owen was causing her heartbreak, and as long as she refused to take responsibility for being the cause of her own pain, she would continue to suffer from feelings of aloneness, anxiety, and depression. She was breaking her own heart by her refusal to take responsibility for her feelings.

Fortunately, Haley decided that this was the last time she would suffer like this. She learned the 6 Steps of Inner Bonding and is practicing taking responsibility for her own feelings. She is well on her way to healing her heartbreak!

Listed below are more articles related to the above article from the "Empowerment" article category.

People interested in the above article "Self-Help: Healing Your Broken Heart" are also interested in the related articles listed below:

Creative Visualization Demystified

Creative visualization is the fundamental technique underlying reality creation. It is the process of using your thought power to consciously imagine, create and attract to yourself that which you desire in your life. Mastering creative visualization grants you direct control over your thoughts at the subconscious level. While there are several ways to programme the subconscious mind, visualization is the most effective and its results the most rapid.

How To Beat Failure And Reach Your True Potential?

In our minds we limit ourselves according to our surroundings. Our senses tell us we are limited by natural events. We can’t fly, walk on water, etc. but natural forces pertain only to material undertakings. We place ourselves in a rigid environment and believe we are also rigid, the truth is, thought has no limitations.

How Would Spiritual Awaking Affect You?

Every spiritual journey begins with the precept that all possibilities exist at all times. God’s creation includes spirit where possibilities await discovery and become observable as experience. All that exist is for experience for without experience nothing can be verified. It is through the experience of mankind that all things become reality to the human intellect.

Do You Lead an Adrenaline Lifestyle?

What is an adrenaline lifestyle? Are you letting adrenaline carry you through your life? Adrenaline is a source of energy, produced by the body. It is the chemical produced in "fight or flight" responses... more

Do Binaural Beats Work? What About Holosync?

An unbiased and honest review of the Holosync Solution which uses Binaural Beats. This article tells you whether they work or not, the benefits you can get from using them and the possible harmful effects that they may cause.

Empower Yourself Through Any Setback

Five steps to empower yourself through any of life's challenges.

The Incredible Power of Intent

The joy that you seek is the result of choosing the intent to learn rather than the intent to control. Learn how to consciously begin choosing the intent to learn about loving yourself.