All marriages have their share of problems. And there is no perfect solution for every problem in every marriage. But what happens when both people have gotten to the point where they can't work out the problems together? Or when there seem to be just too many problems?
This is the point where many couples decide they need help. The first thing you may think of is marriage counseling. What often happens when this is suggested is that one person is willing while the other is not. This is fairly normal, as many people are uncomfortable with the idea of sharing all of their marriage problems with a stranger. You or your spouse may not want to admit that the marriage is in enough trouble to justify counseling. Another common objection is that couples simply can't afford it, especially when you can get stuck in counseling for months or even years.
Statistically, counseling doesn't work for most couples. In one study, 75% of couples in marriage counseling reported that it either didn't work or made things more difficult. Some common reasons listed for this were: One person believing that the marriage counselor wasn't being objective and siding with the other person, the counseling sessions were costing too much, the counselor was asking the couples to drudge up things from the past. All of these reasons made for more arguing and problems outside of the counseling session.
If you and your spouse are to the point where you both believe that your marriage needs help and one or more of these objections to marriage counseling are holding you back, you should research marriage counseling alternatives.
Deciding to work together is the first step. Talk openly about what each person's goals are. If you or your spouse objects to traditional marriage counseling, consider a more intimate, personal approach to working out your problems. If you are willing to work it out and find help from a source that you can both agree on, then you have already won half the battle. Some good alternatives are programs that you can work on from your home. You can find a lot of these are available online or at a bookstore. Many people are more at ease opening up within the comfort of their own home than in someone's office. A program like this can also give you the option of working on your own schedule, and you may find that with a little patience and the right program, you can work out your problems without someone else in the room.
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