The feeling that someone is cheating on you with another woman is heart wrenching. You might be filled with a number of emotions - sadness, hurt, anger - but at the same time, you don't really know what to do with these emotions. But there is plenty that you can do to soothe both yourself and your relationship.
Get the facts
Suspicion and truth are two completely different things. First thing, you will want to gather the facts that are supporting your idea that he might be cheating on you. Look at them objectively to see if there are other explanations for them - are you perhaps overreacting? Consider this possibility first because you might be accusing your partner of something that isn't happening. If you've looked over what you know and still think that you have a valid position, you will want to go to the next step.
Ask your partner about your suspicions
This isn't going to be an easy discussion, but it's one that has to happen. Talk to your partner during a time when you're both alone and uninterrupted by anything else and take plainly about your concerns. This is not the time to accuse him of anything, but to allow him to explain himself and your concerns. But the trick is that you need to believe what he is saying, if you are in a trusting relationship. However, some men may lie about their actions, so at that point; you will want to go to the next step.
Snooping around?
Most therapists aren't going to advise that you sneak around to find out anything about your partner, but if you still have your suspicions, there are some simple steps that you can take to find out if you are being paranoid or if you might be right. Start by looking at your banking records as well as your credit card statements. If there is anything suspicious on them, keep the records to show to your partner. There might be a logical explanation.
You can also look at phone bill records to see if there are any numbers that you don't recognize. With these pieces of evidence, you can go back to your partner to see what they say. If the evidence is incriminating, they will generally confess at this point.
What do you do when you find out?
It will be very difficult to hear that your partner is cheating, so you will want to brace yourself to your reaction. You might want to leave the room for a minute to collect yourself, and then begin to talk softly to them (this keeps you calm) about what has happened and how serious of an affair it is. Is he thinking about leaving? Does he want to rebuild your current relationship?
Moving past an affair
Many people think that an affair is something that they can not get past - and for some relationships, they will want to end immediately and move on. However, some relationships look at an affair as a sign of something gone wrong in a relationship that needs to be fixed. While they are hurt, they look at it as an opportunity to make their commitment to each other all the stronger. There will be moments of hurt and pain, but allowing each other to learn from them can help to create better bond.
Moving on
Some couples find that going to a therapist is helpful to getting past an affair, while others rely on books and workbooks to help them reconnect with each other and learn to trust again. In any case, being honest and working hard to rebuild your connection to each other is imperative to moving past an affair. You will need to learn to address each other's needs and how to relate to each other in a healthier manner that prevents future cheating.
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