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Self-Help: Healing Your Broken Heart Self-Help: Healing din Broken Heart By Expert Author: Dr. Ved ekspert Forfatter: Dr. Margaret Paul Margaret Paul
View Summary \| Submitted: 2008-06-06 \| Word Count: 606 words \| Views: 53 view(s) Vis Resumé \| Forelagt: 2008-06-06 \| Ordoptælling: 606 ord \| Views: 53 se (s)

Haley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Haley, 38, rådført sig med mig, fordi hendes kæreste netop havde brudt op med hende. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up. Chokeret og knuste hjerter, hun tearfully fortalte mig om, hvor vidunderligt han var og om, hvordan hun ikke vidste, hvordan hun kunne overleve denne bryde op.

Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making plans to get married. Haley og Owen havde været sammen i over 2 år og gjorde planer om at gifte sig. They had been having a hard time, with lots of fights, but Haley thought that things were still okay between them. De havde haft en hård tid, med masser af kampe, men Haley troede, at tingene stadig var okay mellem dem.

Haley had been through many such break-ups and had been equally broken-hearted each time. Haley havde været igennem mange sådanne break-ups og havde været ligeligt fordelt om hjertet hver gang. She was terrified of having to go through the same agony she had previously experienced when her relationships had ended. Hun var skrækslagen for at skulle gå gennem den samme angst, hun tidligere havde oplevet, når hendes forholdet var ophørt.

As we explored what had happened in the relationship, it was evident that Haley had repeated a pattern that had started in her childhood and had continued through all her relationships. Som vi undersøgt, hvad der var sket i forholdet, var det indlysende, at Haley havde gentagne et mønster, der var begyndt i hendes barndom og havde fortsat gennem alle hendes relationer. As a child, Haley was constantly trying to get her father's attention and approval. Som et barn, Haley var konstant forsøger at få hendes fars opmærksomhed og godkendelse. Only his attention and approval made her feel lovable and worthy. Kun hans opmærksomhed og godkendelse gjort hende føler lovable og værdig. As an adult, she continued making her boyfriends responsible for her sense of worth. Som en voksen, hun fortsatte med at gøre hendes kærester ansvarlig for hendes følelse af værd. Once she handed to a boyfriend the responsibility for defining her worth and lovability, she then had to try to have control over his treating her the way she wanted to be treated so that she felt loved and worthy. Når hun udleveres til en kæreste de har ansvaret for at definere sit værd og lovability, hun derefter havde for at forsøge at få kontrol over hans behandling af hende den måde, hun ønskede at blive behandlet, så hun følte elsket og værdig.

Her controlling behavior took many forms: anger, blame, tears, lectures, withdrawal, complaints, and so on. Hendes kontrollerende adfærd fandt mange former: vrede, skyld, tårer, foredrag, tilbagetrækning, klager, og så videre. When Haley was getting what she wanted, she was warm and loving and alive. Når Haley fik hvad hun ville, hun var varm og kærlig og live. But as soon as Owen didn't attend to her in the way she wanted, she would get upset and blame him for her feelings. Men så snart Owen deltog ikke til hende i den måde, hun ønskede, hun ville blive forstyrret og bebrejde ham for hendes følelser.

Owen, like so many of her boyfriends, was a caretaker who tried to take responsibility for Haley's feelings. Owen, som så mange af hendes kærester, var en vicevært, der forsøgte at tage ansvaret for Haley's følelser. Yet after awhile, because it never really worked for long, he became tired and overwhelmed by the responsibility of her feelings and ended the relationship. Men efter et stykke tid, fordi det aldrig virkelig arbejdet for længe, blev han træt og overvældet af ansvaret for hendes følelser og sluttede forholdet.

Haley believed that she was broken-hearted because of Owen abandoning her by ending the relationship, but there was another, deeper reason for her heartbreak. Haley troede, at hun var brudt hjerter på grund af Owen opgive hende ved at afslutte forholdet, men der var en anden, dybere årsag til hendes heartbreak. The true reason for Haley's pain was her own self-abandonment. Den sande grund til Haley's smerte var hendes egen selvstændige nedlæggelse.

Haley had been abandoning herself for most of her life by refusing to take responsibility for her own feelings. Haley var blevet opgive selv for de fleste af hendes liv ved at nægte at tage ansvaret for hendes egne følelser. Instead of learning about how she was treating herself when she felt alone, anxious, or depressed, she always looked for someone or something outside of herself to make her feel better. I stedet for at lære om, hvordan hun behandler sig selv, når hun følte alene, angst, eller deprimeret, hun altid kigget på, at nogen eller noget uden for sig selv til at gøre hende føle sig bedre.

Haley was abandoning herself in numerous ways. Haley var at opgive sig selv på mange forskellige måder. The major way was that she was highly judgmental toward herself, constantly telling herself that she was not good enough. De største måde var, at hun var meget fordømmende over for sig selv, hele tiden siger selv, at hun ikke var god nok. Then, rather than taking responsibility for the fact that she was making herself feel awful with her self-judgments, she would look to another person - in this case Owen - to make her feel better. Så i stedet for at tage ansvaret for det faktum, at hun gør selv føler forfærdeligt med hendes egen-domme, hun ville se til en anden person - i dette tilfælde Owen - at gøre hende føle sig bedre. When he didn't say or do what she wanted him to, she would get angry at him, blaming him for her feelings. Når han ikke sige eller gøre, hvad hun ønskede ham, hun ville blive vred på ham, at beskylde ham for hendes følelser. Not only was she abandoning herself with her self-judgments and her refusal to take responsibility for how she was treating herself, she then further abandoned herself by making Owen responsible for her. Ikke alene blev hun opgiver selv med hendes egen-domme og hendes afvisning af at tage ansvar for, hvordan hun behandler sig selv, hun derefter yderligere opgivet selv ved at gøre Owen ansvaret for hende.

Haley was devoted to believing that Owen was causing her heartbreak, and as long as she refused to take responsibility for being the cause of her own pain, she would continue to suffer from feelings of aloneness, anxiety, and depression. Haley var afsat til at antage, at Owen var årsag hendes heartbreak, og så længe hun nægtede at tage ansvar for at være årsagen til hendes egen smerte, hun vil fortsat lider under en følelse af aloneness, angst og depression. She was breaking her own heart by her refusal to take responsibility for her feelings. Hun var bryde hendes eget hjerte ved hendes afvisning af at tage ansvaret for hendes følelser.

Fortunately, Haley decided that this was the last time she would suffer like this. Heldigvis Haley besluttet, at det var sidste gang, hun ville komme til at lide på denne måde. She learned the 6 Steps of Inner Bonding and is practicing taking responsibility for her own feelings. Hun lærte de 6 trin af Inner Lim og er praktiserende tage ansvaret for hendes egne følelser. She is well on her way to healing her heartbreak! Hun er godt på vej til helbredelse hendes heartbreak!

About the Author/Author Bio Om Forfatter / Author Bio

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" er den bedst sælgende forfatter og medforfatter til otte bøger, herunder "Er jeg nødt til at opgive mig at være elsket af dig?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." og "Healing Din Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Hun er co-skaberen af den magtfulde Inner Lim helbredende proces. Lær Inner Lim nu! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner bonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com . Besøg hendes hjemmeside for en GRATIS Inner Lim naturligvis: http://www.inner bonding.com eller e-mail hende på margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available. Telefon samlinger tilgængelige.

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