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"Humor" Article "Humor" artikel
Article Directory Home Artikel Directory Home Arts And Entertainment Kunst og underholdning Humor Humor

Some People Will Eat Anything Nogle mennesker vil spise noget,

By Expert Author: Tim Knox Ved ekspert Forfatter: Tim Knox Platinum ekspert Forfatter
View Summary | Submitted: 2007-03-20 | Word Count: 844 words | Views: 73 view(s) Vis Resumé | Forelagt: 2007-03-20 | Ordoptælling: 844 ord | Views: 73 se (s)
Tim Knox
WARNING: This week's column contains news so scary, so utterly horrific, that I, the author of said column, hereby declare that I will not be held responsible for the mental anguish or irreparable emotional damage caused by reading it. ADVARSEL: Denne uges kolonne indeholder nyheder så skræmmende, så fuldstændig forfærdelige, at jeg, forfatter sagde kolonne, erklærer hermed, at jeg ikke vil være ansvarlig for psykiske smerter eller uoprettelig følelsesmæssige skader forårsaget ved at læse den. In fact, I didn't even write this column. Faktisk er jeg ikke engang skrive denne kolonne. I bought it off some guy I met in the parking lot at Captain D's. Jeg købte det fra nogle fyr jeg mødte i Parkering på Captain D's. Do not read this column if you are currently pregnant with septuplets, have a heart condition that is aggravated by second hand smoke or microwave ovens, taking prescription drugs to cure impotency and/or male pattern baldness, are easily excited by really bad news, or work for the US Postal Service. Undlad at læse denne kolonne, hvis du er i øjeblikket gravid med septuplets, har en hjertesygdom, der forværres af brugte røg eller mikrobølgeovne, der tager receptpligtig medicin til behandling af impotens og / eller mandlige mønster skaldethed, der let ophidset ved virkelig dårlige nyheder, eller arbejde for den amerikanske postvæsen. Continue reading at your own risk. Fortsæt læsning på egen risiko. And don't say I didn't warn you. Og ikke sige, at jeg ikke advarede dig.

DATELINE: May 1, 1998: The following emergency statement has been issued by the United States Fish and Wildlife Service in Washington, DC: DATELINE: 1. maj 1998: Følgende nødsituation er udstedt af USA Fisk og Wildlife Service i Washington, DC:

    "I never had sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky..." "Jeg har aldrig haft sex med den kvinde, Miss Lewinsky ..."

Oops, wait a second, wrong wildlife statement. Hov, vent et sekund, forkert dyreliv erklæring. Let's try this one from Rappaport Clark, Director of the US Fish and Wildlife Service: Lad os prøve dette en fra Rappaport Clark, direktør for den amerikanske Fisk og Wildlife Service:

    The world's supply of Russian caviar is running out! Verdens forsyning af russisk kaviar er ved at løbe tør! Countless future generations of snotty, rich kids may have to eat pate´ or, God forbid, sardines on their Melba toast if something isn't done soon. Talløse kommende generationer af snottet, rige børn kan have at spise Næstved «eller, Gud forbyde det, sardiner på deres Melba toast, hvis noget ikke sker snart. Why, the impact on Robin Leach alone will be devastating! Hvorfor har indvirkning på Robin Leach alene vil være ødelæggende! May God have mercy on us all..." Må Gud have nåde for os alle ... "

I warned you. Jeg advarede dig. Just makes you shudder, doesn't it, the prospect of a world without communist- leaning fish eggs? Bare gør dig kuldegysninger, ikke det, udsigten til en verden uden kommunistisk tradition fisk, æg? I see this as just one more sign that the Apocalypse is close at hand. Jeg ser dette som endnu et tegn på, at Apocalypse er tæt ved hånden. First it was the hole in the ozone layer, then global warming, then El Niño, then Seinfeld called it quits -- my God, is there no end to the horror we mortals must endure? Først var det i hullet i ozonlaget, så den globale opvarmning, derefter El nia ± o, så Seinfeld kaldte det afsluttes - min Gud, er der ingen ende på de rædsler, vi dødelige må udholde?

With a name like "Rappaport," it's no wonder Director Clark is so upset about the waning caviar supply. Med et navn som "Rappaport," det er ikke så underligt direktør Clark er så ked af aftagende kaviar levering. He doesn't exactly sound like a guy who would be comfortable serving potted meat and Spam at his next soiree. Han ikke ligefrem lyde som en fyr der ville være behagelig servering syltet kød og Spam på hans næste soiree. I guess he never saw that old commercial where Andy Griffith proudly announced that "everything tastes great when it sits on a Ritz!" Jeg tror, at han aldrig har set, at gamle kommercielle hvor Andy Griffith stolt meddelte, at "alt smager fantastisk, når det sidder på Ritz!" Of course, you'd never catch Andy munching on fish eggs and pate´. Selvfølgelig, du aldrig fange Andy munching om fisk, æg og Næstved ". Barney maybe, Goober definitely, but never Andy. Barney måske, Goober afgjort, men aldrig Andy.

The thing that amazes me most about caviar is not that people actually eat it (though that DOES amaze me), but that they pay $50 an ounce for the privilege of doing so. Det, der undrer mig mest om kaviar er ikke, at folk faktisk spiser det (selvom, der ikke forbavse mig), men at de betaler $ 50 en ounce for det privilegium at gøre det. Call me cheap, but no food on earth is so incredibly delicious that it justifies that kind of price tag, especially when an ounce of it isn't even enough to make a halfway decent sandwich. Ring til mig billig, men ingen mad på jorden er så utroligt lækkert, at det berettiger en sådan pris, især når en ounce af det er ikke engang nok til at gøre en halvvejs anstændigt sandwich.

Here's proof of my point: think of your favorite food. Her er beviset for min pointe: tænk på din livret. Now think about what it costs. Nu tænke over, hvad det koster. Would you pay $50 for an ounce of it? Ville du betale $ 50 for en ounce af det? I didn't think so. Jeg troede ikke, så.

"Okay, sir, that's a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a 16-ounce soft drink. That'll be twelve hundred dollars plus tax. Did you want fries with that?" "Okay, sir, det er en Quarter Pounder med ost og en 16-ounce læskedrikke. Det vil være hundrede og to hundrede rigsdaler plus skat. Har du ønsker Fries med det?"

Sure, Bucky, just let me finish filling out this McDonald's credit application... Sikker på, Bucky, bare lad mig slutte udfylde denne McDonald's kredit ansøgning ...

Maybe I'm just too low on the social scale to appreciate the allure of an expensive mouthful of fish eggs. Måske er jeg bare for lavt på den sociale skala at værdsætte Allure af en dyrere mundfuld af fisk, æg. People eat stranger things, I suppose, especially we southerners. Folk spiser fremmed ting, jeg formoder, især vi southerners. Still, caviar, like cow tongue, chicken necks and livers, pig innards (chit'lins, to you and me), and mountain oysters (if you don't know what they are, ask someone who isn't in a position to sue you for sexual harassment) is not something that could have been eaten accidentally like a gnat at a summer picnic. Stadig, kaviar, gerne ko tungen, kylling hals og lever, svin, indmad (chit'lins, til dig og mig), og bjerget østers (hvis du ikke ved, hvad de er, så spørg en person, som ikke er i stand til at sagsøge dig for seksuel chikane) er ikke noget, der kunne have været spist et uheld som en myg på en sommer picnic. All these things took incredible effort to find and an incredible curiosity to eat. Alle disse ting har fundet en utrolig indsats for at finde og en utrolig nysgerrighed at spise.

Most people are like Mikey, the old Life Cereal kid. De fleste mennesker er som Mikey, den gamle Life Cereal kid. We are nondiscriminating carnivores who will eat anything -- especially if it can be made to taste like chicken. Vi er nondiscriminating rovdyr, der vil spise noget - især hvis det kan gøres for at smage som kylling.

You may remember a previous column about the West Virginia legislature passing a law that legalized the eating of roadkill. Du kan huske en tidligere kolonne om West Virginia lovgiver passerer en lov, der lovliggjorde de spiser af roadkill. Well, if you think those hungry West Virginians have a taste for the odd furry creature, check out this international entry into the "Some People Will Eat Anything" Hall of Fame. Tja, hvis du tror de sultne West Virginians har en smag for det underligt lodden væsen, så tjek denne internationale ind i "Nogle mennesker vil Spis Alt" Hall of Fame.

    Last month, the government of Vietnam passed a law barring restaurants from serving cat (yes, Morris, I said CAT), long considered a delicacy among many Asian cultures. Sidste måned, regeringen i Vietnam har vedtaget en lov om spærring restauranter fra betjener kat (ja, Morris, jeg sagde CAT), længe været betragtet som en delikatesse blandt mange asiatiske kulturer. It seems the country is being overrun by rodents because most of the cat population (the ones they can catch, anyway) is being served up with your choice of a loaded baked potato or a nice bed of rice pilaf. Det ser ud til landet er ved at blive oversvømmet med gnavere, fordi de fleste af katten befolkning (dem, de kan fange, anyway) er ved at blive serveret med dit valg af en fyldt bagt kartoffel eller en dejlig seng med ris pilaf. Now here's the kicker: the government not only banned cat from the menu, but ordered restaurants to start pushing -- are you ready -- RAT! Nu her er kicker: regeringen ikke blot forbød skind fra menuen, men bestilles restauranter til at begynde at presse - er du klar - RAT!

Talk about pushing the limits of supply and demand. Taler om at flytte grænserne for udbud og efterspørgsel. It's no wonder the most popular restaurant in Hanoi is called Tom and Jerry's. Det er ikke så underligt de mest populære restaurant i Hanoi hedder Tom og Jerry's.

So, will the world survive if its supply of caviar goes away? Så vil verden overleve, hvis dens levering af kaviar går væk? Maybe, maybe not. Måske, måske ikke. Either way, you'll not see me eating something that comes out of a fish's behind. Uanset hvad, vil du ikke se mig spise noget, der kommer ud af en fisk's bagefter.

No sir, I'll just have a nice western omelette, instead. Nr. sir, jeg vil bare have en pæn vestlige omelet, i stedet for.
About the Author/Author Bio Om Forfatter / Author Bio

Tim Knox, Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker, Radio Host Founder, The Insiders Club, Giving You The Power To Start Your Business Today www.theinsidersclub.com . Bestselling Author of: "Everything I Know About Business I Learned From My Mama" www.timknox.com Tim Knox, Entrepreneur, Forfatter, Speaker, Radio Host Grundlægger, The Insiders Club, som giver dig mulighed for at starte dit Business dag www.theinsidersclub.com. Bestselling Forfatter til: "Alt, hvad jeg ved om Business jeg lært af min mor" www. timknox.com

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Article Tags: arts and entertainment , humor , extinct , culture , supply and demand , food , caviar , humor , tim knox , southern humor , family humor Artikel Tags: kunst og underholdning, humor, uddød, kultur, udbud og efterspørgsel, fødevarer, kaviar, humor, Tim Knox, sydlige humor, familie humor

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